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I feel like such a bad person...
Well, this have been "gnawing" on me for a long while...
I just need to get it out, and here seems like a good place.

Once I had two adorable guinea pigs, two boys, that the woman in the pet store told me grew up with eachother.
It worked out good between them, altough they had small "fights" with eachother sometimes, but they never hurt the other.
I loved them both to bits, Sinbad the tricolored abyssinian, black, white and a little brown, was not even a year old when we baught them.
He was around the age when they are allowed to leave the mother.
Kane, a tricolored ridgeback, brown/tan, black and white, was maybe 1-2 months older.
We had them for about a year, before something terrible happened.
I was going to go to school, and they started to fight, and this time it wouldn't be their ordinary "nobody gets hurt" fight.
So I was going to separate them, good thing it was a "two story" cage.
So I put my hands infront of them, and gently pushed them away from the other.
Sinbad, who saw me as his mother (why, I don't know) backed away, but he did some sort of sound while he did.
The sound must have been somewhat provocatively, because Kane bit my finger.
It took some seconds before I reacted, when I pulled out my hands of the cage, Kane was still hanging from my finger.
A guinea pig that weighs about 1,1kg hanging by the skin on your finger... not pleasant.
I don't know why, but I quickly threw my hand up then down with pretty much force, and he lost his grip and fell onto the floor.
I'll never forget his scream, it was like a hundred times worse then a knife on a plate.
I didn't have to go to school, because we went to the vet right away.
She said that he was alright, and probably just hit his knee a little.
We got some anodyne (don't know if that's right), but he didn't survive the night...

I know that most people say that it was a pure reflex I did, but I don't think that's it.
I think that I did it somewhat on purpose.
It really does feel like it's my fault that he died, that I murdered him...
I feel like such a terrible person...

Sinbad didn't have to be alone for long.
We had to put him down the week after Kane died, because he had some sort of inbred scab(mange).

I miss them both so much...

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You simply reacted to getting bit, you shouldn't feel all too bad about that. Yes, It's sad, but not entirely your fault.

I know, but I can usualy handel things like that, I mean I didn't even react when a HUGE dog bit me in the face.

But this was different, don't beat yourself up over it

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